Although the pace improved in the end, there were several aspects of this which particularly didn't work for me, the greatest being: "I cut off four heads and cleaved three knights in two." Both because it breaks what little versimilitude a "magical adventures" story has (the speaker is a young girl untrained in battle) but also because it made her 'unreal' to me - when someone's toy soldiers become real, and you take part in their battles, the act of killing cannot be taken so lightly, no matter how brash a young girl she's meant to be.
